Change- It’s Guaranteed.

Happy New Year. It’s that time again…where we evaluate our lives and look at the changes we want to make. Many of us create a list of “resolutions”. Whether it be how we interact with our children, how we take care of our health, or changes we want to make in our relationships with our friends and partners we want something to improve. Change happens no matter what, it is the one thing we can depend on. How can we begin to make changes in the direction that is most meaningful and healthy?

The first step might be to look at what it is we want to change. Is it something about ourselves or is it something about some one else? If it is about another person then we are setting ourselves up for failure. We do not have the power to make someone else act in the way the way we would like them to act, whether it is a child or spouse or parent. We can however respond differently to their actions and by doing so we end up with a different outcome. For example, if our child has a temper tantrum we can learn not to take it personally and the more calm we are the better the chances that our child will be calmer and more able to change their behaviour.

Are we telling ourselves that if only “this” or “that” happened we would be happy? Many years ago I attended a workshop with Dr. David Viscott. I remember him saying that if we are waiting to be happy in the future, then we are missing the present. If we tell ourselves that only if we succeed at something then we can be happy, we are setting ourselves up for failure. An example of this is if we are waiting to meet a partner, to achieve more financial success, to lose weight, fill in the blank then  we are telling ourselves that if this happens then we will feel better and if it does not happen we will feel awful. Healthy change begins from a place of acceptance.

The only possible place to create change is right here, right now, in the present moment. To notice what is happening in ours lives and to start from a place of acceptance. We all have strengths and resources within us. If we are able to first become aware of these in the present moment, if we then experience a gratefulness for the gifts we do possess, we will be more able to change what may not be working in our lives. Imagine a child wanting to meet a challenge. If the child feels confident and hopeful, is aware of their personal strengths then the possibility of meeting that challenge is higher than if they feel that they need to be different to do it. What we tell ourselves, the messages we give ourselves our expectations will either support positive change or keep us stuck wishing for a different outcome. It all begins with being present and really experiencing our strengths.

Maxine Fisher  is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Accredited Music Therapist who works with children, families and adults.

She can be reached at 250-686-7582

victoriafamilycounselling.com